The end?

She was waiting for it,
Waiting for those words to leave my mouth.
I knew there would be no return from
What was about to be said.
Somehow I had practiced it all in my head.
It would be fatal,
To be left alone.
To be abandoned with three children.
I would become the most terrible person I know.
Never have I felt such lament,
I made a wrong decision.
Insted of fixing it,
Insted of doing what I felt was right.
I did what I was accustomed to do,
Take responsibility for my actions.
I couldn't stop at one,
So it happened again,
And because two is too few,
It became three,
And since there could be no more,
There will be no more.
I lied a thousand times to myself,
And so I lied to you.
I told myslef I loved you,
And so I became used to it,
But this wasn't love,
This was responsibility.
This was the response to my situation.
I can't live with myself day to day knowing
What I've done.
It's over,
I guess.

Everywhere...

Even though it's been 6 years I see you in every face that comes my way. I dream about what I would do if I had you in front of me. I know it would be impossible for me to admit to you what I feel, but hardest part is denying to myself that I actually feel something. There's something wrong with the way the leaves move when the wind blows, must be that I see you through them and I know you're not there. It's hard for me to live day after day not knowing about you, but I guess I should just live with it. My life if far from perfect,  but surely you must probably think it's going great for me.