Once More... Lets go...

Hello, buh it's Friday and I'm pooped. This sucks I feel so tired and I want to go to sleep, but I got to go to work... I want my bed... buh buh bu buh\ buh!!!! Ye sMariela I work today... Ignore that, I'm the new public relations manager for the ESA ( English Students Assosiation), whoo. I make the flyers of all of the activities. Just yesterday I finished a flyer for a Poet in You activity, which is a poetry lecture activity. The fun part about this activity is that it's about Creepy Thoughts! Yeah I can finally express those dark and cynical poems with those killing desires of mine... Hey I finished my baptism classes! whoo... umm... I'm being played with, my hair, sorry, someone is playing with my hair and I just found out it's a guy...buh... Am I single? I have no idea... and who I am with? buh no soy puto soy facil... c u l8r...

Buh...

Hello once again? This really sucks... Who reads this anyways? Hello! Why do write here? Anna are you there? Harper? Michelle? Anyone? Whatever...

Once Again

Ocne Again I'm here in the University, boy this will be interesting. Hopefully I'll learn something this semester, and maybe I won't cut classes. Hey last semester I failed most of my classes cause of that. So how have I been? Well lets see, I'm taking baptism classes, I'll hopefully be getting baptized in a month or two. I started classes at the University last week, I have to pay $293 for my classes which aren't in the curriculum. I am single and I don't have a problem about it. I spoke with Michelle the other day. Yeah she's ok I guess, I spoke with myself last week too! I guess sometimes I don't even want to listen to myself. I wonder what ever happened to Anna and Harper? (lost?...)Shirley (my ex) is back with her ex (asshole!)
He wants to kill me (I think?)
Stupid Story:
The other day I went to Walmart, and I'm going to the car to take some bags while my parents check something out. I had seen Shirley and her Boyfriend(asshole!) and obviously he saw me. I totally ignore the ass while he's staring at me from head to toe, ( maybe he was mesuring me for my coffin?) Whatever, on the way to the car I feel the sudden stench of ass, as I look back there's this little green Corrolla with this white ass punk staring at me. ( honestly I crapped my pants(not literally))
So this ass just goes slowly by me...
Told you it was stupid...
By the way I take a class with her. Buh

Pacience God!!!!

Thoughts of You

Today I sat down on my bed. I was thinking about you. And as I looked towards my closet I saw that shoe box, yeah, it was in that shoe box that I had put you letters. I picked it up and took out the letters. I was thinking about you. I was thinking about those kisses we shared, the hugs and special gestures, the fights and arguments. I started to read those letters and remember every thought of you...

Thoughts to Come and Haunt Me

It's been a long time, since I've been here, and boy oh boy things have happen. But as always most are bad or most bring me back to you. Yeah, you, I still think about you, and I still wonder "What If?" but I'm moving on. You gave up on me a long time ago, you kept me waiting. Now I give up on you cause I won't be heartbroken again. I've suffered a lot these past months, but haven't had the need to show you. I guess it's my problem. You seem happy in your little world, but I ask you, "are you?" I do care just in case, but I turn my back on you, and look over my shoulder towards you. It's not that I'm trying to be mean to you, but I really just don't wnat you to see me as hurtr as you left me.

When Suicide seems like Disney

It's remarkably stupid the way I act when I feel incompetent. I sometimes feel like death would be the perfect escape and that any suffering would be worth not be present with my family. I really love my Mom, but somehow my Dad is so incredibly hard to love. I sometimes wish I could bash his head against the floor and yell in his ear, "I exist! Talk to Me!!!" Really, I feel like the least I have is a father. All he does is complain that I'm not worth my 18 years of life, all these years have been wasted, well I don't have a proble, with that. I can't say I hate him but sometimes it's the only feeling that comes to mind, but I just found a new word, "detest". I can say I detest him every so and so...

(You make the Title[seriously, You Do])

It's been a while since your faint voice crept through my ears. Still, it's hasn't come by. It's been a while since your laughter made my cheers. Now it will never be. I somehow get this feeling that you're looking for me, but what am I to do, I can't believe I'm leaving this helplessly. I don't know what to do, if I should be here or with you. I can't see where I'm going and somehow I don't worry. But as for now I'll leave this clear, if you're near if you're far, all I want is my guitar. Because through the tears and sorrows cried, I've always been able to play my guitar. And now in my life there's a new kind of song this song which I try to get along with. This is a song which tells many things, and a song for me to live. I have no more words to add to this speech. But somehow it comes out rythmically.

Lamento Solitario

Que triste ese lamento
De un nino llorando,
de una alma en quebranto,
Y mi soledad en su ulitimo suspiro.
Pero como te digo,
Que tu eres como el trigo?
Que alimentas el alma,
Y callas todo suspiro?
Dime como te digo,
Que tu eres la razon,
De mi lucha con mi corazon
Y el llanto de aquel nino en mi corazon.

Hello Again Cruel World

The Shit hit the fan, (God Forgive me) it it really has. Everything around me has become a problem. I don't know what to do! It really sucks...Until next time..

hello

1 Year and 2 months and still going!

I can't believe I've been writing in these blogs for all this time. Time really does go by fast...

The Remains

I finally did it. I gave myself to God. And in the process my CDs suffered the consequences. They got trashed, at least the non-christian ones, which leaves me with like 6...bah humbug. Well, anyway, I was remembering about this girl, or better yet this young lady which showed me a new way of life. A lady the satisfied my every need( no sex by the way, which actually surprised me) she was great. By this time last year we were becoming a couple. By this time last year she had me desperate to know if she would accept me as her boyfriend. Now time has passed, and trees have lost their leaves and grown new ones people have died, and babies have been born, and now those feelings for her have changed. She loves another, and I like someone else, but no matter how much I tried to drive foward, I always look through the rear view mirror. I always ask myself, what if? but somehow I know that it was never going to be something that was going to last. Distance has it's efects on the mind, just like the solitude some of us face. In the Bible John the Baptist was in jail, and in his solitude I guess you could say he doubted himself for a moment, when he asked if Jesus was the one he had been waiting for, or did they have to wait for someone else. It tragic to think that when you are alone, you become your own worst enemy. I loved that lady, I can't deny I still feel something for her, but it's over. Life has taken me on a separate road. My life has changed dragistically. I'm actually devoting myself to God. Just last night I sang with other youths from my church in a "Vigilia" in another church. A Vigilia is a gathering that has no time limit usually ends at ? ( I wouldn't know last night I got home around 12:30). Last weekend I went to a church camp. I think it was last weekend or the one before. And it was great. I don't know what to say about it but it was great. I can say this, I will be going to the next one in June. Hey I ran out of space. Wow!?!

Songs for the Week

Burn- Alkaline Trio
Last Sunrise- Aiden
Plug In Baby- Muse
Romance- My Chemical Romance
Satch Boogie- Joe Satriani
Crazy Train- Ozzy Osbourne
Highway To Hell- AC/DC

Songs for the Week

Sorry I'm late with these songs.

Blue in the Face- Alkaline Trio
Kid becomes the Dream- Aiden
Bite to break Skin- Senses Fail
Chinga tu Madre- Molotov
Disolve and Decay- Hawthorne Heights
Fear of the Dark- Iron Maiden
Tu Carcel- Marco Antonio Solis

Atreyu and Hawthorne Heights' new CD came out!!!!

Closer, Deeper, and so much Stronger

Last night I felt you closer to me.
Last night I held you eternally.
You complimented my room so well,
Now I can die peacefully, where I dwell.
I felt myself deeper in you
Like never before.
I punctured myself as I laid
Dying on the floor.
Now you've become an object of desire.
A desire I hold all day.
But obtained only in my closure.
Breathing my last breaths
I hug you eternal.
And as I slowly escape into slumber I hold you there.
Knowing you'll never leave me at all.

To My Pillow,
Which knows only the tears
and desires I hold

Songs for the week

El Duelo- La Ley
My Heroine- Silverstein
Say Goodbye We're Falling Fast- Aiden
Damelo- La Secta
Sanitarios- Caramelos de Cianuro
Funeral of Hearts- Him
Killing Me Softly- Lauryn Hill

The Ashes turned to dust

As the fire raged on in the forest, everyone thought it would never go out. So much to burn on but now when you look at it it's all just dust.

Looking for a Reason

Suddenly I don't know what else to look forward to in life. Blah, Blah Blah, God, my sister my parents, my studies, my friends, please just don't go there. I need to feel there's more to life than this I'm seeing and I know. I understand there's more to it than that, but I don't need it know I need you, That special person in my life, that has taught me so much in so little time. I can't be living my life like there's each day is a new day, cuase it's not. Everyday is the continuation of the past. I need something more. I've started to go to church, but it's not that "wow". The pastor talked with me asked me if he could help but there's no helping me. All he said was to get a girlfriend... Big whoops. Not that I can't get one but I would just feel obligated to be with someone, I have this whole bunch of girls who like me but I don't like any as a girlfriend. Maybe it's a good thing I'm so picky, but I do feel lonely. Pen and paper help me with my threesomelike fantasies. Sex is just an act of penetration and should not be mistaken for anything else.

Phrase of the Week:
Die Virgin Go To Heaven

Songs for the Week:
Love in Autumn- Eighteen Visions
Bleeding Mascara- Atreyu
Your Sword Vs. My Dagger- Silverstein
Mr. Brightside- The Killers
Cold(acoustic)- Crossfade
Guardrail- Bayside
As The Last Light Drains- Freya

Sex and Attraction vs. True love

I never believed in what my horoscope ever said about what was going to happen. And the truth is I never will, but it's still interesting the things it says. The other day mine said "Don't confuse sex and/or attraction with true love" This was a really disturbing thing to read, being that my sex life was in the ruins, but still, I understand that I might be confusing them still. If anyone can help me with this I'd be much abliged. Just in case, I'm still not sure how to feel the difference...

It's You

It scares me to hell that I see you everywhere I go.
It confuses me more to know I didn't let go.
It gets me so jealous that I missed your show.
But no one ever cares so I guess you shouldn't know.

Devotion and Desire

Isn't it just stupid but interesting the way so many people can coincide with the same thought at a moment?
I figured something out, and it's that many people desire to be someone, or desire something, someone or whatever. But the thing is nobody actually would devote themselves to it. If you're going to be in a relationship devote yourself to the RELATIONSHIP! Don't just devote yourself to your partner.
Devotion and desire is also a song by Bayside, a great band might I add, and the song expresses what many think devotion and desire means.
People, we are living in a narscasistic world in which everthing is pleasure, desire, sex , alcohol and whatever else, we need to realize that we need to devote ourselves to something else.
Viva la Musica!!!

Life Sucks

Life really sucks, it has this certain way of slapping you in your face and telling you, "Wake up asshole, it's time to live life..." Or something like that. I don't know why all of the sudden I feel that my worst fears are coming to light, for starters, I hate abandonment, I can't feel abandoned, or that I abandoned someone, and now I feel I left everyone alone, and not only everyone else but me... I feel that I took some time to think about my life, but I didn't tell anyone and now I'm all alone. This really sucks çause I feel I'm asking for your pity, and that's the least I want. But somehow I know I'll get through this... If not the to hell with it I'll just have to move on...

Hola Mundo Cruel

Hola Mundo Cruel, he decidido decirte que eres la cosa mas incomprensible que he conocido en toda mi vida. Las noches se hacen largas esperando el dia en que pueda estar con ella. Cada dia es una razon mas de morir, me traes circumstancias que me complica mas cada momento. No se que hacer con lo que siento y quiero depejarme de todo lo relativo al positivismo te digo adios aunque se que no podre salir de tu luz de cada dia, adios mundo cruel...

Wow?

It's Valentine's Day and people are hypocritically telling others how much they love them. Please don't fall for it! Sex is only good if you honestly do it constantly, not just on special days. And remember, "Sino hay tiempo ni espacio, Sexo oral!" In english "If there's no time or space, Oral sex!"

Missing You

I miss you so much
the pain stopped hurting
I loved you so much
I forgot to breathe
Tragedy and Comedy
take over this soul
They slowly start to ponder
how to make my tears show

I escape my own feelings
To deny what I know
But life has no meaning
If I don´t let it show
So I open my heart
So you can tear it apart
But at least I know
I let it show

Hello once again

I'm back, wow, nothing big. But I'm here studying a lot and taking care of my dad. He's got pnuemonia...Bye?