When Suicide seems like Disney

It's remarkably stupid the way I act when I feel incompetent. I sometimes feel like death would be the perfect escape and that any suffering would be worth not be present with my family. I really love my Mom, but somehow my Dad is so incredibly hard to love. I sometimes wish I could bash his head against the floor and yell in his ear, "I exist! Talk to Me!!!" Really, I feel like the least I have is a father. All he does is complain that I'm not worth my 18 years of life, all these years have been wasted, well I don't have a proble, with that. I can't say I hate him but sometimes it's the only feeling that comes to mind, but I just found a new word, "detest". I can say I detest him every so and so...