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LA vida me ha presentado muchas y diversas distracciones emociones, situaciones en las que no he sabido actuar con madurez. He estado pensando en eso que dicen de mi de que parezco una persona... bueno mejor no decirlo. Y la verdad es que no se si soy como me proyectan o asumo ese rol tal como me han fichado. Me siento bien siendo yo pero en realidad estoy siendo yo mismo? O estoy siendo

I guess it's so...

I've been searching through old poems reading and reminiscing. Suffering at the thought of my ignorance. I guess things aren't what they were before. Ihurst to not write anymore, but I guess I just don't have time. I am a married man with 2 beautiful children, a wife, a full time job and I am studying medicine. I hardly have time for me. I have 2 cervical spasms, a spasm on my chest and down my spine completely. I have more debts everyday. Everyday I wonder how I'm going to get by. Somehow I always do and I just have to say Thank You God. I am alive I am, here. I am always grateful although I don't show it. So now I am not writing as often as bofore maybe because I am not fustrated anymore, maybe because i have everything I need. The question is: If I have everything I need what am I looking for? Why am I always looking for something new to waste my time on?

Que tal esa idea de que el mndo es color de rosa?
A quien se le ocurriria semejante color?
Es que no hay otro color mas interesante?
El azul me parece bastante interesante.
Pero insisto que el mundo tiene tantos colores,
que seria un insulto a nuestro propio intelecto.
Sin embargo aceptamos que todo es color de rosa,
Por que?
Porque somos conformistas.
Yo creo que si no lo fueramos seria el mundo
muy confuso.
Pero ya dejo el tema que se me olvido que pensaba.

Half Truth, Half Lie

I can't believe I said it,
But the truth is not complete.
I finally said I'm tired,
But I didn't say about what.
The truth is I'm tired of it all.
I'm tired of being tied up,
of never having time,
I'm tired of saying half truths,
I'm tired of saying half lies.
I'm tired of all the yelling.
I'm tired of all the silence.
I'm tired of watching you look at me,
I'm tired of just watching you.
I'm tired of saying I miss you,
I'm tired of hearing you say it.
I'm tired of saying I love you.
I'm tired of saying I'm tired...

Very Far

It's been a long time since I've written even longer for many other thing.
I've felt very distant these past months, something is not right anymore.
What have I become, why this distance from you have I become distant
all on my own? I can hardly feel you anymore. I went to that place where
I commune with you but it was different. There was nobody there to see
me, there was no music, and I'm not sure you were even there. I hurt to
think about you. I no longer have talents. They have all been put to misuse.
Now I only think about how to survive each day I pass. I wonder, I wander.
I am no longer your child. I am an independent idiot, who denies you are there
each day. I love you but I can't feel you. I want to be more than what I once
was, but will I ever go back to you. Or am I just very far...

Podra ser?

Es el corazon lo suficientemente bruto para enamorarse 2 veces?

algo escondido

hay algo dentro de este escrito. Hay algo que te tengo que decir. Se me hace difícil olvidar tus besos, cuando no estas aqui... Se me hace difícil decirte lo que quiero, ya que no estas Aqui. Hay veces en que te veo que vienes hacia mi pero solo es mi imaginación jugando con mis sentidos. Tal vez si dejo de desearte como lo hago dejare de pensar en ti. Pero entiendo que llevo mucho tiempo tratando de olvidarte... Tal vez queda una leve esperanza de que tu vuelvas a escribirme un, te extraño, como solo tu solías hacerlo. Pero solo por eso dejo algo escondido en este escrito...

Hola

ahora si estoy bien aburrido no me hagan caso
esto es solo el lado de Juan que todo el mundo conoce
es triste ocultar el poeta que existe adentro
el quiere pintar el mundo de colores nunca antes
vistos con tan solo decir una palabra. Y ahora el nunca regresara
el ha muerto soy yo el unico recuerdo que permanecera en el
conocimiento de la gente.
Alguien entiende lo que digo estoy ido no estoy aqui te quiero
y es dificil decirlo, porque tu y yo sabemos que detras de ese te quiero
hay mas. que puede llegar a ser un ...


adios...?

This is nothing just blah

I want to just run out the door and never come back
this hurts what you're doing to me. There is no doubt
my heart's been torn out in cold blood. I thought I
had forgotten every feeling I had about her ghost.
I wish I should have, then maybe reading her letters
wouldn't have hurt so much. Seeing her face in my hands
was like stabbing her in the chest.

Endless Once More...

Though I didn't mention anything about us
I think I didn't have to.
It was all okay,
I guess.
It was all I could ask for.
Or would it be wrong to ask for more?
I would,
but...

Father? Husband?

Reminiscing while I hug your tears away,
Tears invade my eyes.
The thought suddenly crashes into mind.
A father? me?
How could it be?
A husband? me?
No, this can't be?
But yes, it is,
My life has come to this,
Where I can only imagine and wonder,
What kind of father will I be,
I'm ready,
Not really,
But no turning back now is there?
No too late.
A husband,
Astonishing who would have thought about that?
Not me.
Not at this age,
Not without trying most things I wanted,
I've done almost eveything.
I guess ths is what was missing.
Will I be the father my child needs?
Will I be the husband she needs?
Will I?

Discrepancies..

If I could go to you I would
If I could speak with you whenever I'd speak now.
If I could share with you my joy, my anger, my sorrow and pain, I'd share.
But would it be a burden for you?
Could you understand these words I say?
Would you withstand these tears of joy and pain?
Should you see me would you run away, or run towards me in happiness?

Float ( Finished )

She spread her wings and flew away,
I gazed so I thought
As she disappeared into the summer lights display.
I awoke in a ruined sanctuary.
Fallen pillars all around,
Mossy stones tell of rituals once made.
I find that I am far from home.
There was a light that beamed from the heavens.
I tried to walk towards it.
But I felt weakened and unable to follow it.
I found my legs were bleeding.
I could not feel them anymore.
This hemorrhage is hours long.
The coagulated blood showed the ground.
The crimson stain leading towards my own body.
I could taste my blood,
I could smell it, like iron.
I saw it,
the bone
the blood
my bone seeping through my skin,
my blood caressing it.
I shuddered for a moment.
I lay there staring at the heavenly light
that shown for above to afar.
My eyes swell up with tears.
That beautiful, heavenly light starts to blur.
I start to hurt knowing I tried to hard.
I tried to fly,
but I only ended up crashing.
Now fallen I can't get up.
And now I'll never reach that lustrous Light.
If only I could float.
Float towards you...

Breath of Despair

Death caught up to us,
Like the morning breeze to the flowers.
The least we ever thought of was death.
It waited slowly,
It watched us play,
It enjoyed the view,
Of me with you.
Just to separate us forever.
Should we have never met,
Would death have ever come for you?

We stood on the docks,
watching the waves crash into the rocks.
How beautiful they seem.
How painful it felt.
The breath of fresh ocean air,
Sprays into my face.
Smiling with you felt like heaven,
Laughing was our paradise.
There was something in the air,
I couldn't really grasp it.
It was like silent words of despair.
We breathed too much.
We became to desperate too fast.

A rush of emotions came,
And soon we became animals.
A product of despair and innocence lost.
Children playing adults
Not conscience of their lust and desire.
Fall fall into sin.
Deeper and deeper.
Until so deep in
Their only breath becomes
A Breath of Despair

Fall

Falling in despair
There is no where to turn
I kneel down on the ground
While my knees callous themselves
The signs of years of kneeling to your call
Show themselves
I start to speak to He who hears me.
For no one else does
And though sometimes I feel you near me
I feel I need you more.
There is no sacrifice I could give
But my life
Nothing is worth anything compared
To the love You have given me.
I adore You for what you have done in me.
I lose myself in your glory
Like falling without ever hitting the floor
Like descending and never landing
Like hugging a person you love
Because you feel they'll never leave.
You are my Savior
With you I shall fall wherever.

Silence...

I can hear you...
but what tells you that I want to?
In my silence i reflect.
In my silence i feel indestructible.
It is when I open my mouth that I feel Vulnerable.
I feel insecure,
Unworthy,
Beaten,
Exposed.
But Only When I open my mouth.
So while you try to open it.
And make me fall apart
I'll laugh in my silence
as you fail to see my heart.
though I wear it on my sleeve.
I have said all I needed to with
just a little smirk.
so now I should just give you the hint,
I finished...

Re-

Re- do
Re-name
re-born

R- is Restart
E- is Everything
|


Re-Love?

Things i could be without

there were many things i could be without
and never would they bother me.
for starters we could talk about
this whole tragedy?
i don't need to be told
that you don't feel for me.
because i stopped feeling for you.
i don't need to know
how perfect your life is
mine is just as well.
so maybe you think you're happy.
but in your eyes you can't hide
all false hope you ever made.
will soon be your demise.
now close your mouth
breathe deep,
i know this is quite a shock.
but simply lets just face it,
this thing is simply not!
i changed what i had to,
maybe it wasn't what you expected.
a full grown man
all mature,
and oh so very respected.
but i'm just a boy with the heart of lover
who is simply not interested.
make your life
cause i made mine.
good riddence,
good luck.
as i said,
i'm simply not interesed

Sentimiento

Porque la tristeza no es producto de la muerte de un querido solamente.
Analizo mi presepectiva de pensar y concluyo que la vida es un funeral de
sentimientos.
Es pues entonces nuestra vestimenta diaria negra por el respeto merecido del muerto.
O es tal para parecer mas delgado que el otro el asunto seria entonces aparentar de quesu estatus
esta mejor de lo que parece. pues no se que decir estoy agoviado. triste, callado, extraño mi ser querida

El Poder de la Oración

Pues si, ayer estuve con ese "virus" que hay por alli de vomito y ... y na'. Vomite antes de ir para la Iglesia y en el camino para la iglesia dos veces. Gracias a Dios hoy me siento mejor. No he comido todavia, porque tengo miedo, pero ni modo. Tambien vomite afuerita de la Iglesia, mientras oraba por mi el Co-Pastor. Nunca pense que la oración tuviese tanto poder para sanar, como me paso a mi. La ultima vez que vomite ayer fue un pocito antes de que el Pastor llegara a casa como a las 10:30 p.m. me siento bien agradecido a la Iglesia que oro por mi, y a mi mejor amiga que estuvo afuera de la Iglesia conmigo, y tambien a la mejor Presidenta de los Jovenes, que estuvo llamando a cada rato para saber como yo seguia. Les agradezco de todo corazon.

No tan solo quisiera dar gracias a todos ellos sino tambien quiero relatar algo. Anoche cuando estaba vomitando, me acorde de algo que ocurrio en el campamento. Un Predicador dijo que la realidad es relflejo de lo espiritual. Y entre muchas cosas salimos embarazados del Espiritu Santo. El Predicador habia dicho que hay muchos que fornican, y que no les molestaria enfermarse de Sida o blah, sino que no quisieran embarazar la muchacha, porque eso significaria tener que llevar un compromiso con ella. Entonces mientras yo vomitaba, me acorde de todos mi pecados de recientes dias, pero de todos. Entendi en ese momento que mi bebe espiritual se estaba quejando. No solo quejandose, sino haciendome recordar, que yo estoy embarazado. No puedo seguir con esas cosas que afectan a mi bebe. No puedo dejar echar un bebe asi porque si. No se que más puedo decir. Gracias a todos aquellos que oraron por mi, y que se preocuparon por mi. Otra cosa, no dejes de congregarte por un dolor, u enfermedad. Mi Papa tambien tuvo lo mismo, pero no se curo imediatamente como yo, porque el no fue para la Iglesia, el solo dijo que no podia salir asi, y no fue. Yo sin embargo sali, vomite en el camino, no llegue a entrar a la Iglesia, pero hice el esfuerzo. La bendición del culto la recibi por mi sanidad. Um, Gracias por leer si alguien, lo esta leyendo...